little moments

I took this picture today in the car as J and I delivered some wedding invitations.
I was cranky because time was running out on delivering and for doing errands as well, then I turned around to this.
I'll admit, this was a rare occasion where I just stared at them, asleep, snoring away.
These are my children.

It's still hard to believe that I'm a mother sometimes. It feels like I have always been one because it happened so suddenly, and so early in my life, but at the same time it feels like yesterday I became one.

I'll never forget the feelings I got when I held them both for the first time.
Something pure. Nothing like I've ever felt before. Real fear.
The instant knowledge that I am in charge of how their lives turn out.
They are mine, and I solely gave birth to them.
I am responsible for their upbringing in faith, how they behave and act.
It was overwhelming.

However, at the same time I had such a strong sense of what true love was.
All this time, that was how it really felt.

"When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world." John 16:21

To know that someone these little people would cry and the only person in the world that could comfort them was me.
When they get hurt physically, or emotionally, I would be the one to console them.
Don't we all remember the ultimate power whoever was taking care of us had when we were sick or upset?
I had that now.
It was surreal.

I want to do my best as a mother and often get too tied up in all I do and everything that is around me to stop and remember these little moments.
The simple act of a child asleep and snoring can bring tears to your eyes.

I don't tell them enough, but they are my world.
All I do is for them.
I live for them.
We are one.

People always ask me how hard it must be working, being a student, fiancee, and mother all at the same time.
What they never ask me is how lucky do I feel for having so many blessings and wonderful moments in my life.
I believe it's something we all take for granted.

I hope to treasure every future moment a little more, or as much as I did this one today.


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